Conscious or Not - that was the subject of last week's Insight episode. It dealt with just that - the debate over whether people are conscious (or not) when they sleep walk/sleep talk, when they are in comas (skip ahead to 20mins into the video link for this) and after they 'wake up' and are unable to communicate. The other issue was how do you know if someone is 'really, actually there inside - but cannot say so'. This bought back A LOT of weird, turbulent memories for me. We've all seen the movies or TV shows where nurses say 'talk to the patient, he/she MIGHT hear you'..and then they wake up. Yeah - it's really not that simple. I was placed in an induced coma after my first surgery and like Mary-Louise said on Insight, it felt like I had been buried alive. I was conscious. Initially, also similar to Mary-Louise's experience, I thought I was inside a nightclub in Brisbane, trying but failing to find the exit. I remember thinking I really needed to call my parents because it as though I'd been in there for ages! Then, I swear I felt the pull of my hair as the nurses were shaving it off for surgery, with one nurse apologising profusely for having to do it. It was truly like an outer-body experience , I was floating on the ceiling watching it all unfold. The next thing I so very clearly remember is being deep down inside a sort-of mud pit. It was cold, dark and scary and I was trying to climb out but every time I tried, I'd slip back in. That stage felt like it lasted for an eternity. I heard nurses talking about their NYE parties...but never heard one, single comforting word from family or friends - the people who were pretty much by my side throughout the whole two-week ordeal.
I suffered a form of LIS for a while after I woke up from my coma. I had no idea where I was. The first thing I remember seeing was a few school friends, all staring at me, some crying and ALL on the left side of my bed - holding my left arm/hand. I can't imagine what I must've looked like...there was only ever ONE photo taken of me throughout my whole hospital 'journey'. The photo above. I never wanted a single photographic record of that horrible time in my life so...not many people, very few actually, have ever seen this image. Just looking at it gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Pumped full of drugs causing the swelling of my face and body and a feeding tube in the nose that ended up in there for way too long - all I wanted was a steak burger, I've never been a fan of liquid diets. Retrospectively though, it would be mighty helpful to have SOME progressive photos - even to see the transformation of my hair!
Anyway, the family knew I was 'in there'...even though I couldn't communicate. I could move my eyes. I was responding to stimulus. Therefore, words of encouragement, love, jokes and recounts of daily events outside of the hospital setting were all I heard from family and friends. My Mum has since told me I just had a blank look on my face for ages (I thought I was smiling or whatever the appropriate expression was for the conversation) as my facial muscles were also damaged.
A sort of silent language developed - especially between my younger brother and I (thanks Lew). He became my translator when friends would come visit, filling the awkward empty silence that would sometimes fill the room. Regardless, the nurses and doctors had pretty much given up. It was easier to assume that I'd never progress. So they started talking about my family and I, in front of me. It wasn't pleasant. Especially when nasty comments were being exchanged between staff. Not being able to speak - I could only sit there and cry. If I wasn't in a wheelchair at the time, I would've got up and slapped them.
I'll return to the point of this post - never assume. Treat everyone as if they are highly-functioning individuals with all cognitive abilities in tact, unless told otherwise. That goes for people in a coma, people with a physical disability and people with an intellectual disability. You never know who's listening.
Watch the Insight episode here:
http://www.sbs.com.au/news/insight/tvepisode/conscious-or-not